Official Police Complaint made
Dublin City Centre — Police say someone who attempted to steal a truck parked outside a Des Moines home instead took a bag of dog poop.
The Des Moines Police Department responded to a report of an attempted burglary around 4:45 p.m. Tuesday. Upon arrival, a man told police someone broke into the driver's side door of his truck sometime last month.
According to a police report, the person who tried to steal the truck checked the bed of the vehicle and grabbed what turned out to be "a bag of dog feces."
Police say they haven't identified any suspects in the crime, but that he or she could face third-degree burglary charges. Describing the accused by standers claimed he was a "Big and tall" man with"Philip Schofield like hair" the accused was seen running from the scene of the crime with 2 balloons which said "you're seven" police are also investigating is this part of a potential child abduction ring from the North.
The Des Moines Register reports that the dog poop has been valued at $1.
The Des Moines Police Department responded to a report of an attempted burglary around 4:45 p.m. Tuesday. Upon arrival, a man told police someone broke into the driver's side door of his truck sometime last month.
According to a police report, the person who tried to steal the truck checked the bed of the vehicle and grabbed what turned out to be "a bag of dog feces."
Police say they haven't identified any suspects in the crime, but that he or she could face third-degree burglary charges. Describing the accused by standers claimed he was a "Big and tall" man with"Philip Schofield like hair" the accused was seen running from the scene of the crime with 2 balloons which said "you're seven" police are also investigating is this part of a potential child abduction ring from the North.
The Des Moines Register reports that the dog poop has been valued at $1.
Plaudits for Xmas Jumper Day
![Picture](/uploads/1/4/1/5/14150041/9785824.jpg?442)
Needless to say the team have had an absolutely fantastic week. First Mary had an absolute ball on the train in her own words " a magical experience". Clearly evident as we all know the joys of sitting for 3 hours in Newry station with its shops and hustle bustle atmosphere. The Key team then prepped for their xmas dooooo, by deciding to go all out on xmas Jumper day, there was some uncertainty over how successful it would be of course. Serial check-shirt expert Stephen Ellison was a risk, whilst Conor Quinn remained silent it was apparent that he was ill prepared on Thursday night for the event.
Former Ann summers employee Cathal Rooney kept up his fetish for Stockings with one sewn into his garment, this of course led the charge for Canadian foreign investment minister Jaqui, to have a fumble in there whilst looking for a celebration. The joint Johnny's equipped themselves well with Santa and reindeer replica's
Robert Casey Rounded things off with a subtle t-shirt describing itself in all as a stupid xmas t-shirt. combining this with the festive decor in the key area the votes were cast and drawn and after a re-count it became clear the true winners of xmas jumper day. WELL DONE KEY TEAM. Again Proving you are the best about.....
Former Ann summers employee Cathal Rooney kept up his fetish for Stockings with one sewn into his garment, this of course led the charge for Canadian foreign investment minister Jaqui, to have a fumble in there whilst looking for a celebration. The joint Johnny's equipped themselves well with Santa and reindeer replica's
Robert Casey Rounded things off with a subtle t-shirt describing itself in all as a stupid xmas t-shirt. combining this with the festive decor in the key area the votes were cast and drawn and after a re-count it became clear the true winners of xmas jumper day. WELL DONE KEY TEAM. Again Proving you are the best about.....
Have a Jolly Holly Christmas
Tis the Season to be Jolly fa la la la la la la la la. We at the Oracle have just received reports of merriment and Joy coming from an unknown entity within Optima.Locals have been reporting sightings of a strange phenomenon circulating in the Key area today. Some reports are still coming in reporting colorful displays and a general seasonal cheer which has been missed of Late. Speaking at the scene Optima's Cathal Rooney had the following to say: " there was something disturbing about it to say the least. it has even slightly, only slightly rubbed off on me. normally i'm not one for Christmas or decorations but seeing this made me feel so much more at ease with the entire situation."
Having nominated himself as Team spokesman, Conor Quinn had this to say about the incident: " it was quite interesting." With the new Foreign investment in the team brought from Canadian pawound Queen Jaqui Wilkinson, there has been a sharp rise in Decorative scenery being placed among the staff.
When we went to speak to Johnny about this we couldn't as we couldn't split the two of them up.
******BREAKING NEWS**********
It appears our roaming photographer Mr C .Alot has send in this Image of the Christmas fairy.
Merry xmas everyone.
Having nominated himself as Team spokesman, Conor Quinn had this to say about the incident: " it was quite interesting." With the new Foreign investment in the team brought from Canadian pawound Queen Jaqui Wilkinson, there has been a sharp rise in Decorative scenery being placed among the staff.
When we went to speak to Johnny about this we couldn't as we couldn't split the two of them up.
******BREAKING NEWS**********
It appears our roaming photographer Mr C .Alot has send in this Image of the Christmas fairy.
Merry xmas everyone.
![Picture](http://www.editmysite.com/editor/images/na.png)
WE ARE RE-LAUNCHING
Keep your eyes peeled for our new and improved OPTIMA ORACLE.
More News, More Stories MOre Craic. This will be your News site so feel free to submit photies, and articles you think your colleagues would be interested in.
Keep your eyes peeled for our new and improved OPTIMA ORACLE.
More News, More Stories MOre Craic. This will be your News site so feel free to submit photies, and articles you think your colleagues would be interested in.
McEvoy Has late xmas Present from Boyles Bookmaker
![Picture](/uploads/1/4/1/5/14150041/1937918.jpg)
For auld lang syne.
We'll take a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.
Or so it would leave us to believe my xmas was helped by a nice bonus from Boyle bookmakers. Wendy also benifited from this with a new fridge ( im so romantic ). So i thought i'd do a quick catch up on how everyone's christmas and New Year went.
Stephen - " It was Bonkers", good work Stevo
Nathan - " ( insert general negative tone and pre pandered chrsitmas disgust) I was sick"
Cait - " I was sick but i enjoyed my break" good stuff cait
Jim - "I watched 1758 chriistmas movies including "Home Alone" 3 times.I was also sick
Joe- " I had turkey pie, times are good"
Sarah Rosato - " I worked"
Clive: " Got pissed at a wedding"
Richard: " Aye Boy Laddd"
Mairghread: " Nigel Got a Bit, I got a bit.. good times....( of turkry of course )
Sarah Cathcart: " I was dying the day after boxing day but made it in... what a trooper"
We'll take a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.
Or so it would leave us to believe my xmas was helped by a nice bonus from Boyle bookmakers. Wendy also benifited from this with a new fridge ( im so romantic ). So i thought i'd do a quick catch up on how everyone's christmas and New Year went.
Stephen - " It was Bonkers", good work Stevo
Nathan - " ( insert general negative tone and pre pandered chrsitmas disgust) I was sick"
Cait - " I was sick but i enjoyed my break" good stuff cait
Jim - "I watched 1758 chriistmas movies including "Home Alone" 3 times.I was also sick
Joe- " I had turkey pie, times are good"
Sarah Rosato - " I worked"
Clive: " Got pissed at a wedding"
Richard: " Aye Boy Laddd"
Mairghread: " Nigel Got a Bit, I got a bit.. good times....( of turkry of course )
Sarah Cathcart: " I was dying the day after boxing day but made it in... what a trooper"
Visitors Leave happy...
![Picture](/uploads/1/4/1/5/14150041/6303008.jpg?131)
So the Visit has been and gone and it would appear thus far that they are quite happy with what they witnessed.
Some say richard lewis' dulcet tones clinched it for us. as he sang a rendition of my first my last my everything.
There are un-confirmed reports of a scurvy outbreak within the commercial team. News has filtered from serveral sources that there are so many dental issues surrounding one team that the local surgeries are full to the point of bursting.
Speaking directly to the Oracle about the rumours was Richard Lewis: " AYYYEE BOOII, Laadd"
Richard i don't think anyone could have put it better.
Some say richard lewis' dulcet tones clinched it for us. as he sang a rendition of my first my last my everything.
There are un-confirmed reports of a scurvy outbreak within the commercial team. News has filtered from serveral sources that there are so many dental issues surrounding one team that the local surgeries are full to the point of bursting.
Speaking directly to the Oracle about the rumours was Richard Lewis: " AYYYEE BOOII, Laadd"
Richard i don't think anyone could have put it better.
FRIDAY LEAVE EARLY CONTEST
![Picture](/uploads/1/4/1/5/14150041/7985159.jpg?0)
Based on all the Hard work we have done i am going to start allowing one person to leave early on friday's.
in order to be able to go you must show everything is cleared from your inbox and have no outstanding queries on the day.
Names will be put in a hat in order to be fair and drawn out at random.
This will also depend on actual Hols if people are off on hols we may not be able to accomodate but this will roll into the monday ...etc etc
in order to be able to go you must show everything is cleared from your inbox and have no outstanding queries on the day.
Names will be put in a hat in order to be fair and drawn out at random.
This will also depend on actual Hols if people are off on hols we may not be able to accomodate but this will roll into the monday ...etc etc
Christmas is coming...Any Ideas?
![Picture](/uploads/1/4/1/5/14150041/1246004.jpg?0)
I'm dreaming of a white ...bla bla bla.
I appeciate all your hard work to date guy's but i would really like to know are we doing anything in regards a xmas night out? when i say night out it can be anything from a group meal and drinks to a full on session.. please let me know.
I would very much like for us to do something as a team even a secret santa style thing or something to bring a bit of spark into the festive season.
Thanks
I appeciate all your hard work to date guy's but i would really like to know are we doing anything in regards a xmas night out? when i say night out it can be anything from a group meal and drinks to a full on session.. please let me know.
I would very much like for us to do something as a team even a secret santa style thing or something to bring a bit of spark into the festive season.
Thanks
Well done Stephen (and all those who do most of his work ;) )
![Picture](/uploads/1/4/1/5/14150041/9895253.jpg?1)
From all here at the oracle, we would like to say congrats to Stephen and the wider team as our hard work has started to pay divedends. Stephen has recieved the award for agent of the year at this years Gala Ball ceremony. A great achievement for stephen. I believe as a team we should all take credit for this award as it effectivly states Optima are performing above all other Lines of Business within Vodafone.
Well done Team!!!
Well done Team!!!
Mairghreads Drinking becomes a concern
![Picture](/uploads/1/4/1/5/14150041/1978965.gif?0)
After a long battle with the prescription pain killers , it has become knowledge of the Oracle that Mairghread has now turned to the bottle. Reports from Social networking sites claim that Maighread had given up all hope of the wedding to Nigel ( who is still suffering in silence). Eating Pizza and Guzzling vino will not help Maighread come the big day.
From everyone at the Oracle... come on Mairghread you can beat this :)
From everyone at the Oracle... come on Mairghread you can beat this :)
Breaking News......and Wind
![Picture](/uploads/1/4/1/5/14150041/1043347.jpg?0)
It has come to the attention of certain members of the team, that our resident buzz words generator has a gas leakage... We are advising the whole team to proceed with care and to make sure we are seated somewhere with sufficient ventilatioin so as to avoid permenant lung damage and any foreign deadly diseases which may yet be undiscovered.
This is a never before smelt phenomena and leakage is expected as long as the offender keeps topping up the bacterial compost heap in his belly with various chocolates, biscuits and sandwiches.
The offender has remained anonomous so as not to suffer from backlash from angry members of the team but confidentially he has shared with me that this could be a result of Dundrum Champayne made by the Monks.
In conclusion, please dont be fooled by his pensive stance, he is not thinking of smart things to say... he is merely trying to look at ease wilst sectretly trying to kill us and the ozone layer!!!
This is a never before smelt phenomena and leakage is expected as long as the offender keeps topping up the bacterial compost heap in his belly with various chocolates, biscuits and sandwiches.
The offender has remained anonomous so as not to suffer from backlash from angry members of the team but confidentially he has shared with me that this could be a result of Dundrum Champayne made by the Monks.
In conclusion, please dont be fooled by his pensive stance, he is not thinking of smart things to say... he is merely trying to look at ease wilst sectretly trying to kill us and the ozone layer!!!
BREAKING NEWS*****
Clive Helped Jim aswell
Halloween Horror Show as bill day arrives
![Picture](/uploads/1/4/1/5/14150041/9301012.jpg?0)
It proved to be a horror show on bill day as many accounts needed full tariff changes.
Nathan was very much at the centre of the changes this month, but with the assistance of Stephen and Richard he appears to be on course to ensure all is correct.
After a frightening call with a client this morning it could have set the tone for the day, however Nathan managed to turn it around and ensure the demands were met. It appears that the majority of the accounts have been handled with care this month and thus bar a few we have less bill day changes to do.
Lets ensure we don't scare any customers today ....hahahahaahahahahahahahahaha
Nathan was very much at the centre of the changes this month, but with the assistance of Stephen and Richard he appears to be on course to ensure all is correct.
After a frightening call with a client this morning it could have set the tone for the day, however Nathan managed to turn it around and ensure the demands were met. It appears that the majority of the accounts have been handled with care this month and thus bar a few we have less bill day changes to do.
Lets ensure we don't scare any customers today ....hahahahaahahahahahahahahaha
The Break of historic connections
![Picture](/uploads/1/4/1/5/14150041/9025102.jpg)
On 23rd October at 11.50, the man who claims to be more Irish than spuds asked a customer of OPTIMA :“Armagh, isn’t that in Co Down?”.
The disbelief and disappointment from the whole team was almost tangible. Miceal, the OPTIMA boss has agreed half an hour’s bereavement time so that the team can come to terms with the loss our own ‘little foreign Irish man’.
The team has now come to realise that idea of the ‘Pie Man’ being Irish is about as mythical and fantasised as notion of Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy.
23RD October will now officially be recognised as a day of remembrance of our fallen hero because although he deceived us, we came to love and appreciate him – we shall remember what he was to us, and not for what he has shown himself to be.
Joseph Payne – The little Irish Pie Man
30th July 2012 – 23rd October 2012-10-23
May his memory live in our hearts forever!
The disbelief and disappointment from the whole team was almost tangible. Miceal, the OPTIMA boss has agreed half an hour’s bereavement time so that the team can come to terms with the loss our own ‘little foreign Irish man’.
The team has now come to realise that idea of the ‘Pie Man’ being Irish is about as mythical and fantasised as notion of Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy.
23RD October will now officially be recognised as a day of remembrance of our fallen hero because although he deceived us, we came to love and appreciate him – we shall remember what he was to us, and not for what he has shown himself to be.
Joseph Payne – The little Irish Pie Man
30th July 2012 – 23rd October 2012-10-23
May his memory live in our hearts forever!
Happy Birthday Jim
![Picture](/uploads/1/4/1/5/14150041/4565162.jpg?128)
On the anniversery of the day you escaped your mothers womb. we here at the Oracle wanted to wish you many happy returns.
Mairghread's Condition Worsens
![Picture](/uploads/1/4/1/5/14150041/95785.jpg?144)
Mairghead could not contend with her reports as she was licking the nose clean off herself after becoming hooked on prescription pain killers!
There will be a whip round to raise funds for Maighread to be admitted to the Betty Ford Clinic just in time for this month’s reports.
We all wish Mairghead a speedy recovery, may she find Jesus and sobriety!!!
There will be a whip round to raise funds for Maighread to be admitted to the Betty Ford Clinic just in time for this month’s reports.
We all wish Mairghead a speedy recovery, may she find Jesus and sobriety!!!
What is Jim Doing on his day off?
![Picture](/uploads/1/4/1/5/14150041/9677525.jpg)
Have a look for yourselves.
It appears Jim Hosick is moonlighting as a lanscape gardener.
I have to be honest he has recently spoken a lot of his love of flowers...
We will keep you updated as events unfold...
It appears Jim Hosick is moonlighting as a lanscape gardener.
I have to be honest he has recently spoken a lot of his love of flowers...
We will keep you updated as events unfold...
Kelly Vomits on Kebab
![Picture](/uploads/1/4/1/5/14150041/6602801.jpg)
Nathan had eye's to big for belly syndrome at the weekend and was actually physically sick over his meat massacre Kebab.
We asked to speak with Nathan after the event, however he refused on the basis that "it is house sauce" we think thy protests too much.
We asked to speak with Nathan after the event, however he refused on the basis that "it is house sauce" we think thy protests too much.
Rosato meets Stavros Flatley to show off new uniform
![Picture](/uploads/1/4/1/5/14150041/6987143.jpg)
Sarah has been working hard lately between Optima / Domino's and bootcamp its no doubt she may have been feeling the strain. Luckily the god folks at Domino's asked her to the opening of an envelop this week and presented her with her new delivery suit. Although we couldn't see Sarah's face we assumed she was really happy about this as reflected by her outfit.
looking good Sarah keep it up :)
looking good Sarah keep it up :)
Email Queue becoming a Payne
This morning we had over 800 emails in the queue. It seems like Joe has been busy with one of his clients who decided to email us .....a lot.
Thanks for this Joe it really was exactly what we all needed to see. offically it is less that 10 weeks to christmas also which may cheer some of you up. :)
Thanks for this Joe it really was exactly what we all needed to see. offically it is less that 10 weeks to christmas also which may cheer some of you up. :)
Cheesey Tune Of The Week - Party all the Time Eddie Murphy
Lewis Completes Queue in 35 mins
![Picture](/uploads/1/4/1/5/14150041/177350.png)
Run,Run, as fast as you can was the cheer as Richard completed the tasks in the email queue on Monday. With tensions reaching boiling point and Stephens inbox recently re-filled it appeared all hope was lost until Lewis stepped in to save the day.
We caught up with Richard and tried to speak with him about his achievements however he declined stating he had a pack of foxes classics to eat and was due at an iPhone texters anonymous meeting
We caught up with Richard and tried to speak with him about his achievements however he declined stating he had a pack of foxes classics to eat and was due at an iPhone texters anonymous meeting
Mairghread Update
![Picture](/uploads/1/4/1/5/14150041/4809827.jpg)
It would appear that Mirghread has hurt herself in an unfortunate accident at home.
We have heard from Mairghread who is in good spirits considering her ordeal.
Pictured left is an artists impression of how Mairghread is getting on.
From ALL here at the Oracle get well soon :)
We have heard from Mairghread who is in good spirits considering her ordeal.
Pictured left is an artists impression of how Mairghread is getting on.
From ALL here at the Oracle get well soon :)
Fixed line training proves inspiring
![Picture](/uploads/1/4/1/5/14150041/8876053.jpg)
It seems as though the optima team have been inspired by the fixed training.
between pbx and pstn the training seems to have everyone on the edge of their seat.
some have said they are waiting on olive oil to turn up and ensure there are two dd's in a bra.
Reports of this are yet to be confirmed.
between pbx and pstn the training seems to have everyone on the edge of their seat.
some have said they are waiting on olive oil to turn up and ensure there are two dd's in a bra.
Reports of this are yet to be confirmed.
It's offical Jim Hosick really does Rock
![Picture](/uploads/1/4/1/5/14150041/198934448.jpg)
Jim has recieved excellent comments from both his Cam and Client about his work recently
We at the oracle would like to give Jim a big THANK YOU. From everyone in the Optima Team.
Jim (pictured left at some form of fundreaising event for the homeless) has set the tone for how we
will approach our Jobs daily.
WELL DONE JIM!!!
We at the oracle would like to give Jim a big THANK YOU. From everyone in the Optima Team.
Jim (pictured left at some form of fundreaising event for the homeless) has set the tone for how we
will approach our Jobs daily.
WELL DONE JIM!!!
Ellison Clears his inbox
![Picture](/uploads/1/4/1/5/14150041/112886567.jpg)
****BREAKING NEWS******
The Oracle has just learned that Stephen has finally cleared his inbox. after what could only be described as a "Bonkers" first month. Stephen displayed his delight at this by taking his top off and wildly swinging it around his head whilst shouting "gangnam style". Cait Trainor, the District Judge on
all things remotely acceptable or not, stated: "Stephen, after much consideration, i want to kick you in the leg".
More on this story to follow...
The Oracle has just learned that Stephen has finally cleared his inbox. after what could only be described as a "Bonkers" first month. Stephen displayed his delight at this by taking his top off and wildly swinging it around his head whilst shouting "gangnam style". Cait Trainor, the District Judge on
all things remotely acceptable or not, stated: "Stephen, after much consideration, i want to kick you in the leg".
More on this story to follow...
Aux 8 improvements please McEvoy
Miceal was pleasantly surprised as his optima execs got to grips with the use of aux 8 this week.
Speaking on Sunday evening (after running the weekly reports, just before x factor) Micéal left his comments for the oracle:
" it's spot on boi. The guy's have done me a big favor here, i was sweating a little over it. A few results have come in and i'm really chuffed with the improvements. I was happy with the efforts being made but they are really paying off now. The Oracle has learned that both Cait Trainor and Joseph Payne have been asked to comment on the aux codes , both parties declined.
It is understood that Pressure was growing over the amount of wee being dispensed in the Optima Dept. One member of the cleaning department was quoted as saying " we don't have time to clean the bleeding loo's in there because there is always somebody in there. A TP spokesperson said it was only a matter of time before there was a critical toilet paper shortage.
Speaking on Sunday evening (after running the weekly reports, just before x factor) Micéal left his comments for the oracle:
" it's spot on boi. The guy's have done me a big favor here, i was sweating a little over it. A few results have come in and i'm really chuffed with the improvements. I was happy with the efforts being made but they are really paying off now. The Oracle has learned that both Cait Trainor and Joseph Payne have been asked to comment on the aux codes , both parties declined.
It is understood that Pressure was growing over the amount of wee being dispensed in the Optima Dept. One member of the cleaning department was quoted as saying " we don't have time to clean the bleeding loo's in there because there is always somebody in there. A TP spokesperson said it was only a matter of time before there was a critical toilet paper shortage.
New Account Lauds Hosick
![Picture](/uploads/1/4/1/5/14150041/694465064.jpg)
Now a full month into the exec role, Jim Hosick has waded through the murky Dublin waters with an aura of calmness. Throughout the process Jim, who has always been a peaceful character within the group, has been a minefield of information. A source for good within the team ( apart from last Tuesday, when he came in all grumpy and got everyone else wondering what Helen and the bump had done to cause such outrage ).
It has now been confirmed to the Oracle that some of Jim's clients have put it on paper ( albeit electronic paper) that Jim is an asset to Optima. Jim's obvious delight was expressed at the news by downing tools and claiming if he had to process 300 new connections by himself his direct reply was "would i f@#k". Good Work Jimmy.
It has now been confirmed to the Oracle that some of Jim's clients have put it on paper ( albeit electronic paper) that Jim is an asset to Optima. Jim's obvious delight was expressed at the news by downing tools and claiming if he had to process 300 new connections by himself his direct reply was "would i f@#k". Good Work Jimmy.
Payne Warned By Police Officer
It seems our old friend Joseph has been outed online by a former Local policeman.
Although the image has been blurred to hide the culprits identity in this shocking video, it seems to only point in one direction. code named "Glenn"
the offender was off to purchase a pie at 3am from a local garage, when questioned by the rozzers he claimed his mates had ditched him. As must be the case in New Zealand the police advise "Glenn" on the one thing you must do when buying a pie at 3am.
" it has been in a baking house for 12 hours, that thing is semi-nuclear, blow on the pie." although there was no direct affect on service Payne was out of the office for two days last week. The Optima team clearly unaware of his recent encounter with the law. Thankfully we have obtained footage of the entire event.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dzs70o9u9NQ
Although the image has been blurred to hide the culprits identity in this shocking video, it seems to only point in one direction. code named "Glenn"
the offender was off to purchase a pie at 3am from a local garage, when questioned by the rozzers he claimed his mates had ditched him. As must be the case in New Zealand the police advise "Glenn" on the one thing you must do when buying a pie at 3am.
" it has been in a baking house for 12 hours, that thing is semi-nuclear, blow on the pie." although there was no direct affect on service Payne was out of the office for two days last week. The Optima team clearly unaware of his recent encounter with the law. Thankfully we have obtained footage of the entire event.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dzs70o9u9NQ